Yu Minhong was teaching at Peking University when he started running tutoring classes to save money for study abroad. The side venture earned him a disciplinary warning, so he left the university and committed fully to test preparation. In hindsight, the exit looks reckless only if you ignore the logic: one door closed, and he walked through another that had already opened.
A piece of research stuck with me: the choices that most shape a life are often made before 35. Their effects may not appear immediately, but they quietly bend the trajectory. Chu Shijian joined the underground Communist Party early and learned leadership there. The founder of Walmart began building retail experience early. They found work they cared about and stayed with it. Yu did something similar at a critical moment, making a decision that changed the rest of his life.
His original goal with New Oriental was modest: save 300,000 yuan for overseas study. As the business grew, he went to the United States to invite classmates to join him. Wang Qiang left Bell Labs. Xu Xiaoping left a tight life in Vancouver. Both returned without much hesitation. Another PhD student turned him down because he could not let go of his studies and his American life. After New Oriental went public, Wang and Xu reached financial freedom. The one who stayed behind regretted it.
Every key decision involves giving something up. If you cannot let go, life stalls. Yu put it plainly: “When an opportunity appears, you should still take a swing. You may not know whether it is really an opportunity—it might be a pit. There is risk. But if you believe the thing is worth doing, and failure will not produce unbearable consequences, you should try.”
A friend once received an offer to be an early employee at Goldman Sachs China. He declined because he worried too much. When we talked about it later, he sighed. That made me ask where my own pivotal moment is. My current path—moving from a senior role to PE, then retiring after ten-plus years—does not offer much chance of a breakthrough. I hope that once my status question is settled, I can join a startup and experience a different atmosphere.
In New Oriental’s early days, Yu paid partners above-market salaries while taking no salary himself, putting the money back into the business. His reasoning was simple: “If I had 1,000 yuan to share, I think keeping 100 for myself would be about right.” That reminds me of Liu Bang, who was unstinting when money had to be spent and granted titles when they were needed. Xiang Yu, by contrast, grudged even a carved seal.
Even after the company went public, Yu’s shares as CEO were locked, and his personal interests remained behind the company’s. “Only I was locked in,” he said. “I felt trapped, forced into a locked life, with people expecting things from me. That feeling is not pleasant.” After more than 20 years, New Oriental ran into the “double reduction” policy and had to start over. Yu’s resilience resembles Chu Shijian’s: there is no final settled state. As long as you are on the road, each stage brings its own pain and struggle.
Recently I started daily meditation and weekly review again. For me this is stepping back—not rushing into work, but becoming quiet first. A few weeks ago my work state was poor. I cared only about launching the project and did not think through what needed to happen before and after. I was listless, knowing the what but not the why.
Now I meditate for 10–15 minutes each morning. This is how I love myself—not through consumption, but by paying attention to my emotions. Before the workday begins, I read or write notes for at least a 45-minute block. That is my version of stepping back: a reserve for the mind.
Yu has thought about this more deeply: “At critical moments, a person needs to know how to step back. But ‘stepping back’ is not a regression in ability; it is taking one step back so the view opens up.” During university he was hospitalized for a year with tuberculosis. That period became a time of reflection and retreat, and it helped him see the direction ahead. After New Oriental listed, he paid little attention to the share price and thought about long-term development from a step-back position.
His approach to life design is also useful. Plan long term: imagine how you would arrange your life if you lived to 100. Also plan each day: if tomorrow no longer belongs to you, you will not regret today. Two factors matter most in this process: time and body. “A life is only 30,000 days,” he said. “If every day passes without progress or gain, your life is standing still, even being wasted… Time is more important than money—time can be exchanged for money, but money cannot buy time.” The body matters just as much. Whether you work for others or for yourself, exercise. Health comes first.
A few years ago I came to understand the importance of building a personal brand. If you want people to describe you in a certain way, act that way. A climbing trip leader put it well: be the climber you want to climb with. Yu has a sharp observation: “When you face someone and cannot guess what he is thinking… the feeling that flashes into your mind may be that I need to guard against this person… If you are the one being guarded against, you lose many opportunities.”
In close relationships, I have also realized that many small matters are not worth fighting over. Agree, and it ends in ten minutes. If neither side gives way, the time and energy spent far exceed that—and neither person uses that time for what matters most. It is a loss either way. “There are two kinds of people,” Yu said. “One spends all their time and energy solving problems and troubles they created… The other lives clearly, putting time, energy and resources into what matters most in their life.”
Sorting through these thoughts makes the pattern clearer: choices, letting go, and stepping back are connected. Retreat is not shrinking; it is making the next move clearer. Letting go is not loss; it is making room for something more important. In a busy life, keeping space for retreat and reflection may be the quiet condition for continued growth.