Since July, I’d been stuck in a restless state that never really let up. I kept thinking about how to pull myself out of it, and then a personal matter came up that required a trip to southern Jiangsu. Since I was already heading that way, I decided to make a stop in Shanghai and finally meet some online friends in person.
I simply took Friday off and didn’t officially set out until 11 at noon. At some point, I had started to enjoy travel by road and rail. Being in transit gives me room to settle down and enough time to think things through. I arrived at Shanghai Railway Station at around five in the afternoon, then hurried off toward the meeting spot in Xujiahui. Halfway through the metro ride, I realized something was off—I had gone in the wrong direction. So I had to get off, turn back, and start over. By the time I finally reached Xujiahui, I was struck all over again by the scale of the city. It was no longer the Shanghai I remembered from five years ago.
Listening to friends talk about their lives and struggles in a major city left me with a sharp ache inside. There was also a sense of resignation: I probably won’t have another chance to come back here. Again and again, this city has beaten me, and yet I still can’t fully let it go.
After dinner, I found a place to stay for the night. The next day, I met a friend I’ve known online longer than anyone else. Back in the loneliest, hardest period of my life, this was the person who kept encouraging me. I invited them out for a meal as a way of saying thank you. What I feel about that bond is still complicated, difficult to put into words:
Across the vast earth, one sword gathers all the shattered pieces; where does the music of prosperity finally fade?
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Even a short rest felt wonderfully comfortable...
On the third day, I met an old classmate I hadn’t seen in fifteen years. So much had changed for both of us over that time that it was hard not to wonder whether fate would leave us any further connection in the future.
I headed back that same night. Overall, the trip to Shanghai was decent—there were losses, and there were gains. I lost some people, and I gained some people too.
Lately, I’ve also been busy gathering information and preparing to buy a home. The deposit is already paid, which means I’m about to join the ranks of people who own a place—and a mortgage. At least now life feels like it has some momentum again. Before this, I was drifting badly, living one day at a time without much direction. Maybe having a home of my own will make everyday life feel a little more grounded, a little more worthwhile. Time to keep moving forward.