Not long ago, a friend told me he was furious—almost sick with it. He had spent nearly a year chasing a client and, in the end, got nothing out of it. During that time, he was always available whenever they called, brought gifts, even helped pick up the client’s child. He tried every way he could to show goodwill and commitment, only to be told at the end that the project was going to someone else.
It’s the kind of thing that hurts, but also the kind of thing that happens all the time. We say it often: effort does not always bring rewards, and sometimes people who make no effort still end up getting something. I run into this kind of thing regularly myself. I can finish a design, prepare the quote, discuss pricing back and forth, do everything properly, and still hear in the end: we’re not moving forward. It’s ordinary. If I got angry every time something like that happened, I would have burned out long ago.
I didn’t offer much comfort. I only said one thing: you can’t use someone else’s mistake to punish your own kindness. At that point, the issue is no longer about money at all.
People all stand in different places. They each have their own outlook on life and their own sense of value. There is no need to demand too much from others, and no need to be so harsh with yourself either. Stay kind. Be sincere. Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself. Gain and loss, success and failure, meeting and parting—these are all part of how a person grows. When you learn to take things lightly, your mood improves. When you learn to let things go, your days become easier.
Not causing trouble for others is a kind of compassion. Not causing trouble for yourself is a kind of wisdom.
You have to learn how to forgive. People make mistakes; that is unavoidable. Don’t let someone else’s wrongdoing become the reason you torment yourself. Try to love the world as best you can instead of living in resentment, because resentment turns life into bitterness. When you can forgive, you are also more likely to feel what freedom, calm, and release really mean.
There is no need to be annoyed by this person, dissatisfied with that one, and then carry grudges everywhere you go. It solves nothing. Whoever we deal with, it is better to meet them with peace, honesty, and goodwill. But that kind of attitude does not appear on its own. It has to be cultivated through understanding and tolerance.
In life, friction and conflict with other people are hard to avoid. No matter what sort of connection brought two people together, a little more patience and a little more generosity make it easier for the other person to get through things—and, in the end, easier for you too.
Life often works in a strange way: the more you fear something, the more likely it seems to arrive. But when you stop clinging so tightly to gain and loss, when success and failure no longer feel like everything, things often begin to move more smoothly. Difficult moments pass with less damage. What is most precious in life is an ordinary, steady heart—one that stays clear of murkiness, calm like still water, not dazzled by the world’s colors and not thrown off by its endless flavors.
Perhaps the deepest pains in life come from wanting too much and fearing loss too much. Perhaps the hardest practice is simple: hold your tongue and keep moving your feet. Perhaps the clearest understanding is being able to say, it’s nothing, let it go. Perhaps the greatest awakening is to understand how we come and how we leave. And perhaps the greatest happiness is this: the body is at ease, and the heart is spacious too.