Last night I was on duty, and around 8 p.m. a coworker invited me to have some coffee. At first I turned it down. I was worried it would keep me up all night. He kept saying a little wouldn’t matter, and since I had drunk coffee before without any problems, I finally agreed.
This time was different from what I’d had before. The beans were ground in a coffee machine, and the coffee came out really bitter. I only poured about half a paper cup, roughly 100 milliliters. After a few sips, it was still so bitter that I had to add sugar twice before I could finish it.
I went to bed at 11:20. Once I lay down, I realized I wasn’t sleepy at all. Normally, when I go to sleep, I’ll lie there thinking random thoughts for ten or so minutes and then drift off. But last night I kept thinking for a long time and still couldn’t fall asleep. I got up to use the bathroom, and by then it was already 12:30.
When I came back and tried again, I still didn’t feel the least bit sleepy. I kept tossing and turning until after 1 a.m. At that point I started to get anxious. I still had work the next day, and staying awake like this was definitely not okay. But even with that thought in my head, I still couldn’t sleep. With the lights off, I just waited for sleep to come, and before I knew it, it was 2 a.m. I got irritated then. If I had known, I never would have touched that half cup of coffee. That was the first time I really felt what it’s like to want to sleep but simply not be able to, and it was unbelievably miserable.
Lying there, I had already thought through everything I could think of. There was nothing left to do, so I played with my phone for a while, but that was boring too. In the end I could only keep trying to sleep. By the time it dragged on to 3 a.m., I finally calmed down and thought, whatever happens, happens. I don’t know when exactly, but it felt like I finally fell asleep. I think I even had a dream, but then I turned over and woke up again. When I checked my phone, it was almost 5:30. After another trip to the bathroom, I still couldn’t fall asleep. I lay there with my eyes closed, watching the window slowly brighten, all the way until after 6.
After that I dozed off for a bit, and the alarm woke me at 7. I didn’t feel like staying in bed at all. It was almost as if I hadn’t slept. I got up to wash up, and I didn’t even feel that heavy, under-rested kind of sleepiness.
It seems the power of strong coffee really isn’t to be underestimated. For someone like me, who hardly ever drinks coffee, it’s probably best to keep my distance from it. The feeling of not being able to sleep is awful.